Place!

The men’s bathroom in the basement of Myrin strikes me as having both a spiritual and religious significance. The spiritual is that when I walk down there, I suddenly feel deeply aware. There is a bizarre silence that makes me strongly attentive and conscientious of what’s going on outside and inside of me. It’s not a settled awareness; it feels mildly discombobulating. Nevertheless, there is something peaceful within the discomfort.

It has religious significance because of the stall closest to the window. Written on the wall are a few notes about marijuana use and sexual encounters, but there is a surprising amount of material that is related to religious matters. They’re often written with clusters of comments around them. I’ll try to explain.

One seemed to begin with the statement “Love everyone,” which may or may not have some kind of religious or spiritual connotation. Pointing to it is a comment that would be difficult to describe, and so I’ll write what I’ve deduced it to mean. It would seem that someone drew an arrow pointing to “Love everyone” that says “Except the Faggots.” But someone then crossed out the “Except” and the “Faggots” and instead wrote “Even the Assholes.” I have to say, I find it touching that no one has yet scribbled this out.

Another note written on the wall is “For God so loved the world that he gave his only son,” obviously alluding to John 3:16.

On the stall door is written a note with (seemingly) three authors. The first: :GOD IS AWESOME,” followed by “for causing genocide & war.” Within the last few months (I’ve long been fascinated by this stall, and have kept up to date when new notes arise), a new comment joined these two: “no.. For being the reason for the rise of civilization...”

Next to this triad of comments is written this stark comment: “POOPING > ARGUING ABOUT RELIGION,” where the “greater than” symbol can presumably be taken to mean “better than.”

I’ve always found it so fascinating that so much religious content could be found written on the walls. Why so much emphasis? I wonder how many different people were involved in writing the different notes.

Object!

When I graduated to performing 108 prostrations as part of my purification practice, my mentor kyomunim gave me a rosary with 108 beads. It is made of cedar, and it used to have a strong, soothing smell, but it has largely faded. From time to time when I’m doing prostrations, I’ll smell it strongly again. One of the beads is white and made of plastic, and it has a circle on one side (a representation of the enlightened mind) and a picture of the founder of Won Buddhism on the other. The picture there has always creeped me out; it seems cultish to me. Nonetheless, holding this particular rosary is calming and even inspiring, and I’m often reminded of the bodhisattva vows. I feel reinforced in my dedication to practice.

Memory!

When I was at the Mahabodhi Temple, everyone around kept commenting on the intense spiritual vibrations they were encountering, or how soothing it was, or how awe-inspiring it was. I didn’t feel a darn thing. I felt neutral, and even indignant, or frustrated, if anything. It didn’t seem the slightest bit special to me. It was another place. Yes, there were many myths about how a trip to the Mahabodhi is an impetus for enlightenment, and things like that. But the fact of the matter was that suffering was still a reality for me. What’d it matter if that guy saw through all suffering? Yeah, he’s given priceless advice to myself and others, but he gave me a prescription and told me to go fill it myself, and he didn’t tell me where I could find the ingredients or anything like that. I’ll thank him if it works. So, being there reinforced my vow to practice, to realize for myself and for the benefit of others something genuine. I’d been practicing for years, and, while I had certainly had something to show for it, agony persisted, delusion persisted, craving persisted. So it ended up being a pretty powerful experience, seeing how spiritually devoid it was.